Hao's Guide to Fire Safety
by Dig Digital Dog
Summary: Hao decided to teach a young kid the proper way to handle fire while at a park. ONE SHOT CRACK FIC


Boredom does this to a person. I would just not ask what caused this. I have no idea myself other than I could see Hao randomly setting small rodents on fire.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King.

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It was your average day for Yoh Asakura. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and random little squirrels were bursting into flames. Okay, so maybe that last part wasn't so normal. But, after whitnessing the things Yoh had, you learned not to be surprised by much. Or in Yoh's case, surprised by everything. Somehow, he had managed to drag his brother, Hao, to a park with him. Even now, late in the morning, there were young children running up and down the metal playground equipment, oblivious to the small chuckles that would come from the direction of the longer haired brother as once again a squirrel spontaniously combust.

"Hao," Yoh sighed, watching as a smirk drifted across the older of the two, "do you have to burn the squirrels alive?"

Not even turning to look at his brother, Hao replied. "Yoh, after being reincarnated three times, I learned something. The little rodents you are trying hard to protect are out to take over the world I want to recreate. If the squirrels take the world over before I do, I won't have a world made of only shamans because the squirrels would have killed us all. At the same time, I wouldn't be able to kill the squirrels because some shaman would have one as their spirit and that would completely ruin the main idea of me destroying all the squirrels."

However hard he tried, Yoh couldn't even think about what Hao was trying to say. "So, burning them with the Spirit of Fire is better?"

"Yes. Because my Spirit of Fire can destroy the souls so the squirrels have no chance of ever coming back alive! Or dead. Keeps the zombies away as well."

"Okay." Sometimes there was no understanding the 'Great' Hao Asakura.

The chuckling, burning, and smell of singed fur continued for at best another five minutes. "Hey, Mister," a young high pitched voice called out. Two young kids were staring up at Hao, one with fearful eyes and the other with a normal, young kid look. "You shouldn't play with fire, Mister." He pointed a small finger up at Hao as he spoke, earning a few curious blinks from the Shaman.

"And why not?"

"Because! Fire's bad! It burns you and destroys things!"

"Ah, very true." At this, Hao's smirk turned into a smile. "But, fire's a good thing as well. If the people who found fire weren't messing around with it, how could they not have figured out that it cooked food? Or gave them heat?"

The kid remained defiant. "But my mom was killed by a fire! It took down our house and killed my puppy too! It's not good!"

Yoh watched with a small nervous smile, ready to step in should Hao, or the kid, go to far with this.

Hao sighed, crouching down so he was eye level with the younger boy. "Listen, kid, fire's a great thing to play with. If you burn yourself enough times, you develope a tolerance for pain. So, when you're getting your little ass beat in in high school because you pissed off the wrong guy, you won't feel a thing. Which will piss him off even more and he'll beat you to a bloody senseless pulp. But, you wouldn't feel a thing so they could give you stitches right there in the school without any sort of pain killers. And, along with three-degree burns and scars, you'll have wonderful memories of the emergency room and the many times you got yelled at and grounded for playing with matches. And the wonderful schools you were expelled from for having a lighter on your being."

Whether or not the kid was paying attention didn't seem to show. He jsut blinked up at Hao, his friend now wide eyed and looking ready to faint. "But the fire is still bad because you'd burn all the nerves in your body and you wouldn't be able to feel anything. You'd develop some skin disease and die pre-maturely."

Did the kid just back talk to _the _Hao Asakura? "You know what spontanious combustion is, right?"

"Hao, what are you thinking?"

The kid nodded. "Good. Now, pay close attention."

"Hao."

And from then onwards, Hao and Yoh were banished from said park by the parents of the young boy who was hospitalized for serious burn injuries. They never did find out what had caused said burns, only that Hao had forever hated young children and their 'damn school intellegence'. However, the squirrels weren't so lucky.

"Hao! That was the twenthy-fifth squirrel you've burned alive today!"

"Thirty-eighth."

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Yes, Hao was most likely OOC a bit. But, squirrels do that to a person, as do younger children. Trust me. I know. I can truthfully say I have the personality of Yoh and Hao mixed. The laid back, lazy attitude mixed with the pyro and destruction. Squirrels tick me off and so does my seven year old sister.


End file.
